


Tender Loving Care

by Regret_Pile



Series: Bowels of Thedas [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Anal Fingering, F/M, Farting, Hand Jobs, Past Drug Addiction, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 00:31:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5071015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regret_Pile/pseuds/Regret_Pile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lyrium withdrawal isn't pretty.  Thankfully, Cullen has someone to care for him.</p><p>See that 'Farting' tag?  There's fetish content here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tender Loving Care

Another cramp tore through Cullen's bowels. At first he thought the diarrhea had come back, but this was something new and different. A rancid burst of gas, almost impossibly loud, forced its way out of him.  He'd thought he was on the upswing, too.  At least he was alone.  Leliana thought he should go back on the stuff, for the sake of the inquisition, that fucking surgeon was asking for samples of everything that might possibly come out of his body, and Josephine just tried to act like nothing was happening.  That was the worst.  She had smelled him there, at the war table.  He'd even gagged himself with that.  It felt like he'd swallowed a hurricane.  Two more farts came out in short succession, brassy and smelling of decaying onions.

He groaned, and curled up on his bed.  He felt like he was going to turn inside out.

A knock came at the door.

"Who's there?"

"Your lady inquisitor."  Oh, thank the maker.  Elaine Trevelyan had been a positive saint throughout this.  She'd sat through vomiting, shakes, cold sweats, and yes, bouts of the runs.  He was lucky to have her love.

"Come in.".

She did.  She took off her boots, and sat on the bed next to him.  "You looked rather pale at the war table today.  I take it things are less than all right."

He sort of groaned, and curled up against her.

"You know, it's a very brave thing you're doing," she said.

He chuckled at this.  Then he let loose with a squealing fart that must have lasted twenty seconds.

"Oh, dear."  She sniffed.  "Oh, oh dear."

"Indeed.  Aren't I just the most attractive man in the world?"

"There might be one other.  Is, um, is this just wind?"

"And lots of it."

"Want me to rub your belly?"

"Please."

"Sit in my lap."

He did, and then he said, "You know, I'll be passing wind on your, er, between your legs."

"You already have, in your sleep.  I didn't tell you."

Cullen blushed, then winced.  Another cramp.  Worst yet.

"Oh, Cullen." She rubbed, and it seemed that all the tenderness in the world was in her hands.  "Just let it go, all right.  Don't worry about me."

His bowels groaned and gurgled, like some mud pit.  "I don't think it's a matter of 'let,' really."  To prove his point, a wet-sounding fart burst through his back passage.

They continued like this, him groaning and farting, and her just caring.  She planted a tender, brief kiss on his neck as his bowels disgorged yet another blast of wind.

"How's Samson doing?" she asked.

"Which one?"  When the diarrhea had hit, they'd named his arsehole 'Samson,' in honor of another red, angry thing that was making their lives difficult.

"Which do you think?"

"He's pretty raw.  See for yourself."

He pulled down his breeches, and as Elaine leaned in to take a look, he couldn't help but fire off another rank fart.

"Sorry."

Elaine laughed. "Are you joking?  That was perfect comic timing.  And by the way, Samson looks very angry."

"No surprise there."

"I've got a salve here that might help that.  Would you mind if I applied it for you?"

"No.  Go ahead."

Her slick finger was cold on his anus, and she brushed around its circumference with a gentleness that was positively intimate.  She took awhile.  She even kept going when he passed another truly foul fart. She may have been enjoying herself.  The warmth of her hand was now radiating through the salve, and the circling pressure felt...very good.  It was almost teasing, really.  He wanted her to go in all the way.

He'd gotten hard, just from the stimulation.

"Hello there!"  Elaine had noticed.  "Looking for me?"

"Put your finger inside me, Elaine."

She slid it in, a knuckle at a time.  Oh, fuck.  It felt larger than it was inside him, and oh Maker she was wiggling it and she had found a spot of some sort because he felt incredible.  "Yes.  Right there.  And stroke me off."

She spat on her hand, and began to slowly run it down the length of his erection, with her finger making little circles along whatever that miracle spot she'd found was. She sped up with both hands, and began to kiss his neck.  He came harder than he had since he first started masturbating.  It had barely been a minute.  


As she pulled out her finger, another fart escaped, with all the wetness of the salve audible.  He groaned.

"Elaine?"

"Yes?"

"You are so special.  I have never had anyone in my life like you."

"Oh, that's the afterglow talking.  Now come on, tit for tat, I want to get off too."

He laughed.  "I think I can help with that, even in this state.."


End file.
